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date: Sunday, April 20, 2008
title:
time: 1:14 AM

Dania keeps calling it THE BIG 20. I don't wanna think of it that way but no matter what I do I just cant help but think its something really big. Twenty years. Man Im old.

I've been living in this wonderful world for nineteen years, three hundred and sixty-three days and one hour and nineteen minutes. But aside from that fact, I still dont know how to cook, I still don't know how to iron my clothes, I haven't even done the things I'd like to do before I die. Stupid huh. For the past twenty years I haven't even conquered my fear of heights. Its amazing how a person has so much to do in this world yet never have the chance to. May it be something he wants to do or just something he has to do. I've been living in this world for twenty years but I still don't know what the essence of life is. How ironic. I can still remember every bit of emotion I felt back in seventh grade, when Sir Ruel called me in class, out of the blue. I was ashamed of what I wrote, thinking how senseless it was. He said he liked my essay. Its an essay I wrote in our exam. If I'm not mistaken its about life. I wrote their how people are supposed to live their lives here on earth. What life has for all of us. What life means. What life's essence is. The true meaning. Its real purpose. And now, I'm still very ashamed of myself. How six years later I still don't have the answer to the fucking question. I can pretty much relate to Josie Tyrell. She's a fictional character in a book I just finished reading recently. Living in a world of drugs, sex, love, music, modeling, art, and acting. After her boyfriend committed suicide, she wondered what there is in the true world. Where it is. Or if it even exists. Its fucking confusing. What the hell life. Just give me a goddamn million dollars then maybe Ill know what the true world means! Or not. Haha.

At the age of twenty, even though there are still a lot of things I dont know, there are also a lot of stuff I do know. Experienced baby. Loud and proud. XD

People may think my life is easy, but it ain't fucking easy as you think it is. Why is the world so damn complicated? People are making it a lot harder than usual. Why cant they just live the simple way just like the way it was back then? Crap. This is where it comes in. "I hate stupid people.". Living life everyday with all kinds of people trying to pull you down. Freaks and bitches trying to break you down and you just cant help it but return big the favor. Marami talagang malalaki sa buhay ko. Haha! Big favors, big 20, big bad wolves, etcetera. If you know what I mean.

On my 20th, bigger responsibilities await me. Not only that, but also bigger circles of friends, bigger challenges, and bigger bills. haha. Im an adult now! Are you sure you want a piece of me?! XD

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